Bad black sheep / black ram / good Golden Child / goldy locks Barbie Doll privilege Princess programming re-visited. (UPDATED & edited 11-26-2020)

Picture below: Left to right: my Dad, my Aunt Susan Sommer (since deceased), & my Uncle Dan.  My Dad was a middle child 3rd born (this photo was taken before at least 2 of my 3 other younger Aunts (not pictured) sisters of My Dad were ever born.) (photo is around late 1950 through 1952:

11-26-2020 FOR THOSE who would be convinced that I have some kind of terrible stalking obsession with Christie Aphrodite (a.k.a. formerly Christie Czajkowski ) you are doing a terrible injustice to who she represents to certain principles near and dear to my heart and all the gamet of complex cptsd resonating features that I struggle with and have totally tried to illustrate by interacting with her and bring her attention here.

First of all I make no delusions that she is not my type “romantically” or sexually, nor ever was, nor was I ever truly attracted to her as an intimate partner, but rather a sort of platonic soul sister who has a lot of astrological synchronicities that make a lot of intense good sense to me

If there’s a reason for why I allegedly “obsess”, or even feel the least bit resentful and attracted to the works and the claims of Christie Aphrodite , its that she is so incredibly close to this Bahai principle about natural cures in this regard: 



 and it would be a horrible injustice and a sad state of affairs if she doesn’t figure that out about me, despite of my copious confessions to debilitating situations of my own ocd, cptsd and hyper vigilance that come with the whole deplorable gamet of stigmas (linked elsewhere in previous posts) I’ve been accused of often wrongfully.

of a lot of Christie Aphrodite’s proclamations I think she agrees with:

is no one I care to have any discussion with beyond what it takes to witness such people outting themselves as the shills towing the mass lemming consensus of duped koolaid drinking mindless dipshit sheeple. Its always sort of amusing and amazing to see their neo-Jonestown dystopian world of shit they all are willfully travelling towards a million miles a second. Anyone Got any last words before I decide whether or not to block you? Need a Bahai Reference ? HERE YOU GO:
The outer, physical causal factor in disease, however, is a disturbance in the balance, the proportionate equilibrium of all those elements of which the human body is composed. To illustrate: the body of man is a compound of many constituent substances, each component being present in a prescribed amount, contributing to the essential equilibrium of the whole. So long as these constituents remain in their due proportion, according to the natural balance of the whole—that is, no component suffereth a change in its natural proportionate degree and balance, no component being either augmented or decreased—there will be no physical cause for the incursion of disease.
For example, the starch component must be present to a given amount, and the sugar to a given amount. So long as each remaineth in its natural proportion to the whole, there will be no cause for the onset of disease. When, however, these constituents vary as to their natural and due amounts—that is, when they are augmented or diminished—it is certain that this will provide for the inroads of disease.
This question requireth the most careful investigation. The Báb hath said that the people of Bahá must develop the 154 science of medicine to such a high degree that they will heal illnesses by means of foods. The basic reason for this is that if, in some component substance of the human body, an imbalance should occur, altering its correct, relative proportion to the whole, this fact will inevitably result in the onset of disease. If, for example, the starch component should be unduly augmented, or the sugar component decreased, an illness will take control. It is the function of a skilled physician to determine which constituent of his patient’s body hath suffered diminution, which hath been augmented. Once he hath discovered this, he must prescribe a food containing the diminished element in considerable amounts, to re-establish the body’s essential equilibrium. The patient, once his constitution is again in balance, will be rid of his disease.
The proof of this is that while other animals have never studied medical science, nor carried on researches into diseases or medicines, treatments or cures—even so, when one of them falleth a prey to sickness, nature leadeth it, in fields or desert places, to the very plant which, once eaten, will rid the animal of its disease. The explanation is that if, as an example, the sugar component in the animal’s body hath decreased, according to a natural law the animal hankereth after a herb that is rich in sugar. Then, by a natural urge, which is the appetite, among a thousand different varieties of plants across the field, the animal will discover and consume that herb which containeth a sugar component in large amounts. Thus the essential balance of the substances composing its body is re-established, and the animal is rid of its disease.
This question requireth the most careful investigation. When highly-skilled physicians shall fully examine this matter, thoroughly and perseveringly, it will be clearly seen 155 that the incursion of disease is due to a disturbance in the relative amounts of the body’s component substances, and that treatment consisteth in adjusting these relative amounts, and that this can be apprehended and made possible by means of foods.”

I do not feel suicidal.



UPDATE 27th of November 2020, Like almost all my posts dealing with sensitive subject matter  (especially within the 1st 48 hours after  originally posting them with only a tiny cellphone keyboard  SEVERAL re-edits happen and context, grammar & spelling isn’t flawless) I apologize

Richard Grannon here delivers a good explanation and dramatization of Black Sheep / Golden Child programming;




And the Guardian “just froze”. Casting THE PRICELESS PEARL AT SWINE the Misundersandings with Christie Aphrodite updated 15:50 14th November 2020


I can no longer make it a secret that this entire vitriolic rage of this project had some impetus from a bizarre fling I had with 1 Jennifer Elaine Blanchard in 2006  who totally dumped me like many others.

Illustrated with the Astrology Cancer symbol over her face.   She has origins growing up in the town of Eagle Point, Oregon  Jackson County and was born in 1971 on the same day of the year as My last immigrant ancestor from Switzerland, Great Grandmother Caroline Flueckiger 26th of June 90 years after to the day.

About Jenny B. to me: Was she a Heartless Hypersexualized slut? or genuinely too good for me?   Jennifer confided to me about another child abuse scandal in the 1980’s in the Bahai Community near or in her hometown area of  Eagle Point, Oregon.  I was under the impression she was a child victim then and there.  She confided to me she was abused in childhood.   Jenny Elaine Blanchard identifies as a member of the graduating  Class of 1989 Eagle Point High School Eagle Point, Oregon.  That alleged scandal in a Bahai community she told me about is the best reason why I mention her here now.   It seems pertinent.  How much did cults of pedophiles and pedophile enabling sick families truly infect the Bahais in America?  Those truly are #fakebahais if that happens.

The weirdest part about the whole crazy spontaneous consensual connection I had with Jenny B.  was  I  1st met her in Eugene almost immediately after I had a job offer where I was about to depart to in the same company in Jackson County where her Father worked in 2006  in Jackson County Oregon.  She seemed like a setup of somekind, as though she (or her handlers?) knew something about me before I knew anything about her in some twisted bizaar intense psychic attraction.  Once I moved down there to Southern Oregon after our passionate experience in Eugene on a Saturday night,  I confirmed that her father did indeed work there as true, even though I didn’t meet him in person and was in a different department.

These coveted blonde bombshell golden child princess / blacksheep envy programming roots go way deep in my youth and childhood and I suspect long before I was ever even born.

The image of the Capricorn lady juxtaposed with Jenny B. is Sundari Wind (born early January 1973).  Sundari was my very temporary 1 & only stepsister between Autumn of 1984 and Spring of 1985.

Neither of the 2 sweet charming goldy locks princesses ever heard of each other nor Aunt Susan and won’t until and unless they find this blog.

My first encounters with the Wind family was at Bahai meetings that were Sunday brunches in Portland as early as 1982 or 1983.  (the brunches were at Herb and Arlene Dryer’s) .    Don & Linda Wind were Bahais for maybe only 2 or 3 years and probably left by 1987.  (more information TBA).

It was Way back at Howard Prairie Lake campgrounds / resort at a Bahai retreat  called “Badasht” Jackson County Summer of 1984 where Linda accurately with the same tone of voice dramatized here:

(Sundari’s Mom) in 1984 when I was 12 took to enticing me to be adopted at the Wind’s household in Sellwood neighborhood of Portland Oregon where I learned real fast ole’ Step sister Sundari (who was just under 12) was being groomed to grow up and utilize her valuable natural developing adult real estate of her “mommy parts”  to go out and secure  and occupy the best alpha wealthy sugar Daddy cock she could get and I was not him.  Sundari confided to me she had lost her virginity to perverts long before her boyfriend Aaron Usinger and long time before I met them.  She confided this all to me in 1996. Often I am still unnerved wondering if her own parents pimped her as a child through defacto naivity (like my parents did to me)  or pre-meditated deliberateness?    Either way Don Wind (her Dad) was a real asshole back in the 80’s,   He was a tractor trailer truck driver by profession while Linda was a waitress by day.


with some violent tendencies,  but was not as bad as my own father who was way too much of a  coward to ever dare consult nor give a damn why I felt enticed to go live the  fuck away from both my mother and Dad in the 1st place in 1984, and didn’t do much yo consult or care.

Am I a mysoganist for making these observations & statements and whistle blowing?   I don’t think so.

Back to origins of brother/sister rivalry & resentment toward the princess role:

As far as I know about Aunt Susan of whom I never grew up near nor had hardly any interactions with  (my Father’s oldest sister)’s  theoretical and hypothetically having what some may describe as   “Princess Programming” role her entire life was that of a good traditional conservative chaste well behaved Christian Mennonite young woman who was with no one else until she met Uncle Jim and stayed with him until Death did her part in 2016,  yet boy did my mother talk shit about her in resentful rage as though my mother was convinced Susan was a snobby wealthy spoiled over privileged bitch with everything while we are poor.  While at the same time my  mother was hypocritically clinging to Erica Toussaint  like Erica was Mom’s long lost fairy fucking godmother good girl mentor sister there to rescue her.  My mother had an alter personality that would also cling to a woman named 
“Marilyn Alexander” (formerly “Marilyn Field” the ex-wife of George Edwin Field,  the obese trust fund brat lady (who had some abuse programming done to her too)  was Mom’s bad girl gossipping crutch buddy.  

(Does any1 here reading see a dissociative identity disorder pattern anyone? YOU THINK?)

I still to this day wonder how well Aunt Susan’s choices must’ve really paid the rent. Its difficult trying to sort out truth away from  lies mom told me


Contrary to my mother’s resentment toward Aunt Susan, I suspect Aunt Susan was a compassionate woman. Susan adopted 1 extra child (not of her brood of her 3 biological children unknown cousins of mine). He was a boy  from a broken home.  Susan wrote an entire novel doing her best to be considerate perceiving the awkwardness and inner conflict those 4 children experienced.

SUSAN WAS RAISING 1 orphan child &  3 older siblings not with the same biological parents.  Refraining from playing favorites was probably not easy but she probably realized that.  Thank God they had the material means for a big house with separate bedrooms and a lot of traditional conservative gender roles and caretaker roles available to Susan to give them quality time amd attention.  Good for them.

Unfortunately,  I am not the least bit impressed at all with Uncle Jim’s affiliation with the corporation called Syngenta and monoculture hybrid corn seed company that pushes GMO corn. (much of which is animal feed for the cruel industrial meat industry).  That is a terrible mockery of the organic agriculture I studied and everything I thought once I had a chance to work towards and profit from:   the underdeveloped hemp industry,  and  permaculture, especially of the 4 colors of heirloom organic corn among representing 4 directions sacred to  Hopi and Navajo and other people indigenous to Turtle Island.

I post information about these real dead family members here, some of these blood relative women I know, who are not my mother,  because I know there is a residue of concern for human rights (rights of both men and women) that was incomplete in their lifetimes.  Its as though these women had real longing to see a life where this horrible gender estrangement depreciations never happened to me.     To be considerate of them, these women such as Aunt Susan, is to really to perceive that maybe they are kind of guiding me from beyond the grave along with Great Grandmother Caroline Flueckiger & Grandmother Sara Francis Miller?  Whatever it takes to heal gender estrangement &/or eradicate misandry & mysoginy is all I ever wanted  to do my part doing. Once here are the people my mother told me she was originally from which makes all the plausible circumstantial sense in the world why they targetted her

and why we ended up in such a cess pool of pedophile enabling denying people. 

“We know the difference between the Reality of Freedom and the illusion of freedom”  -John Trudell

Rest In Peace all of Them.  I always got the sense that upon relief of one’s soul from this world the ascended are endowed with complete perception and understanding towards others unavailable in life.

Contrary to my mother’s resentment toward Aunt Susan, Aunt Susan was a compassionate woman who adopted an orphaned child (not of her brood of 3 biological children)  from a broken home.   Susan wrote an entire novel dramatizing with heart wrenching empathy perceiving the awkwardness and inner conflict that an older Sister of a younger orphan child  brother experienced.  Siblings not with the same biological parents is a very challenging  situation    and with these adopted parents responsible for his safety custody and training must’ve done unimaginable work.  That awkward add-on orphan kid (who was barely 8 or 9 years old when I visited them in Illinois in 1988)  that non-blood related cousin is well into adulthood doing fine with a life likely far better life than mine.  GOD why couldn’t my parents be close with our extended family?  Why did they have to be so fucking naive and trusting to such sick people?  Why? These blood telatives are good people in ways I mever knew!  The 1st generation #fakebahais of certain areas of Portland were the real creeps.

And it really is a damn shame and lament old Jenny E. Blanchard  had to  dump and me with such absolute ruthless cold shouldered hatred



Paraphrasing memorable quotes from Ann Fillmore determimed to convince me I am an Irredeamable mysogonist:


to me n 1990 when I was 18 years old in the midst of an EMDR rebranded for her quackery WREM (Waking Rapid Eye Movement) , After I confided to her  I experienced “unpleasant abuse” as a child she asked me  “were you ever sexually abused?” after which I nodded my head in silent confirmation,  when she responded saying “Oh I was abused too when I was 6.  My mother thought the man down the street was so nice and good with children when he probably molested every girl in the neighborhood too”   and went back to hand waving her hand in my face:

to me in 1995 paraphrasing Ann:


“You hate women, but not without good reason.  If you are ever with a woman who treats you like your mother treated you,  you will kill her.  I am absolutely convinced.  I had it rough growing up.  My father was a Civil Servant, it was disruptive, but not it was not as bad as your life” –   after reading my report that in 1982


1982 when I was 10 I woke up in the middle of the night witnessing my own biologic mother taking it doggy style fucking George E. Field in.the middle.of the living room, coitus interrupt them with mom hissing & sucking her teeth and saying “Go back to sleep Carl!” completely ignoring and in total denial to the fact that around that time Matthew G. Field was set up by George to do some horrible dirty coercive dirty tricks pushing the gay pedophilia forward he might have learned from his own Dad George doing him up the butt as he confided to me 1 night.  It was  the night I had a sleepover at Matt’s Grandma when Matt tried to rape me claiming that his Dad learned that in the Military our national Guard.   Matt’s own relatives confirmed Matt was a pervy kid at the time.

Belatedly but eventually I learned more dirt about the town of Silverton and the Silverton foundry and circumstantial shit according to Fritz Springmeier:


As disgusting as that experience was with Matt, No no …. and the heartache of  being dumped by Jenny B. and rejection and inability to attract many other young women my age.  NO I am not vindictive like the kind of C.onniving U.nderstanding N.eurotic T.errible    Misandrist  mindfucking understanding I suspect Carol Haines & Ann Filmore have with each other in their little ole’ cunt coven of animal husbandry way back in Alaska and California and elsewhere all on proverbial team feminist buttfuck&castrate-the-perceived-patriarchy (no doubt)    in total cognitive dissonance ignorance or accepance of little boys (other than maybe some golden child boys of their own brood)  getting raped by female and male pedophiles.



Its entirely plausible the reason why Ann has a history of working in or near battered women’s shelters in the UK 1970’s was her personal politics were more those  antogonistic to Erin Pizzey’s holistic approach to seeing women as perpetraitors too

There’s no one whose quite like the Quack The-Rapist by-denial named Ann O. Fillmore born around 6-19-1942 who deserves to be recounted as the misandrist total man hating quack by far more than the likes of little ole’ alleged little ole’ “incel” stigmatized me.Screenshot_20200612-162329




No, no Ann had many female clients too who confirmed Ann Filmore loved to slip little doublespeak subliminals into her hypnotized clients’ heads.  She was probably chased out of the Bahai community of West Linn in 1990’s for damn good reason.   What was I thinking in 1995 when I thought she could help me?   She was like The Crazy Cat Lady in Corvallis in 1995.  Fur & cat piss odor in the house is no place to heal.  Same birthday as Boris Johnson.


Reluctantly to Ann’s credit I kind a’ get a sense though that infamous school shooter of 1998 Kip Kinkel was an extreme case worse case scenerio of these similar cruel sibling dynamics of  golden child / black sheep programming gone horribly wrong and was probably mindfucked in some cruel manner too given the kind of favoritism I suspect his “princess programming” sister got over him while Kip’a Mamby Pamby stupid Mom didn’t hesitate to coerce, push & force medication on him:

Worse than Kip Kinkel in terms of cracking into extreme misoginy from childhood cruel misandry was ironically the serial killer born the day before my mother (18th & 19th of December 1948) & the ironic twisted similar patterns of abuse they both experienced:

Even though I am on record making a lot of harsh criticisms to & about Christie Aphrodite linked above & below here, I am also on record making a lot of praise of Christie Aphrodite because her personality is similar enough to mine in Valiant brutally honest self reflection in such whimsical clown-like humor that she offers a glimpse of what it must have been like if I were born a girl and grew up to be a sexually attractive woman with a biological urge to have children a.s.a.p..  Its,no coincidence to me on my 1st birthday the day Christie Aphrodite was born, I was gifted a teddy bear that is kind of reminiscent why I was fascinated with her online  content.  There is a stark contrast in some of my observations of Christie Aphrodite good, bad, amd ugly but at least these observations are an introspective outlet and release to return the favor of such public honesty.  Through little old me observing some of Christy Aphrodite’s wishy washy Dissociative identity  prankster Clown drama along with the work of Cathy O’Brien  I kind of learn a level of respect to these women and refrain from objectifying them as “prime real estate brood mares” that I was condemned and cockblocked away from being their “proverbial stud alpha”, in ways thought I never could.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder afterall  and midlife requires a little bit of calibration when the average woman my age is almost post menopause age :


Move Over Princess Programming

But then again I remember and wonder often if Sundari Thriloka Wind   is or isn’t her mother’s daughter all along in good, bad, or ugly ways.  Iwill never forget the way Sundari instantly witnessed and rescued a dog being abandoned way down the street by someone who abducted it from a neighbor, and the story of how that pet was re-united with its owner.  That takes a perceptive good heart.     I  wonder sometimes about a lot of my women cousins and distant nieces I never seem to ever get a chance to meet because my parents are such an embarassement and my life is such a train wreck compared to theirs in their picture perfect online content.    Especially daughters & grandaughters of Aunt Susan ( who proudly reproduces my portion of my gene pool  probably totally thinking of me and compensating for my woes of heartache for never seeing this world as safe eno for siring children of my own.  YEAH RIGHT?


What a damn twisted bittersweet pride & shame my “family” is so estranged and divisive towards me, yet so beyond fascinating when I really discover their roots and the craziness is not as uncommon as I previously thought.

What do you REALLY know about minDControl?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s